I am not a believer in the traditional ways that people believe. I'm not saying it to offend anyone (nor call on them to save me); it just is. I don't have anything against believers--unless they're pretentiously damning people. I'm happy that they get so much from their faith. I appreciate a lot of the things organized religion does for some people. I appreciate that some people need rules to encourage them to live a moral life or even a kind and loving life.
I haven't felt the need for rules to help me live a loving life. I "get" the love message that religion offers--it makes sense to me and I embrace it. I don't need a lot of rules or guidelines to help me remember to treat people nicely. Treating people nicely and not holding grudges not only makes me feel better about my daily life, but it helps us all get along. It's a simple message and usually simple for me to follow.
But, it seems, perhaps, I do need rules in other aspects of my life. Like eating. Oh how I admire the people like Jack Sh*t who seem to be able to follow a simple mindset that says, "eat only healthy things in moderation--because you'll feel better." He doesn't stress out his life with a lot of rules and plans. Nor does Joe Riddell who said in a recent post, "I’m not afraid that eating a piece of cheesecake will make me go back to my old ways. I am confident that will not happen. Not now or not ever." I do not feel this inner confidence, nor seem to be able to continually call up my inner convictions.
So I've been thinking that maybe I need a prayer. What I used to say to myself everyday (posted on the right) was like a prayer for me. I would call it up during the day and repeat particularly applicable lines to myself. It was quite successful.
Now I think it may be time for a new grace. A prayer before eating. Something simple that gives me pause. Something to remind me of my goals. To remind me to love myself. To keep it simple. I'll need to say it before I make my selections, not sitting before a full plate I think. Although, it would be lovely to be able to sit before a full plate and have the confidence and drive for a happy future (that starts the minute after the first bite) to stop after an ample consumption of calories required for energy. But, I need to start slowly.
I make little good choices for myself throughout the day--like yesterday for lunch I had grilled halibut on Cesar salad (dressing on the side) and I ordered grape nut pudding because it's a NE thing. . . but I only took a few small bites and left it. And at dinner I ordered salad to go with our pizza and I had only a half piece of a peach cobbler/pie type dish. But, I scarfed down 2 large pieces of pizza with several types of meat on it. Calculating after the fact, I discovered I'd eaten more than my calorie count for the whole day just for dinner. (I also "relaxed" with my beloved daughter in law by drinking 2 wine coolers (~500 calories, just there, I discovered a bit too late).
So I think I need to call on some inner guidance and strength. I need a new inner mantra. I need some rules to become part of my blood. I may always be more like Lynn or Maura, who also seem to need to calculate each bite, even though they are at goal. And I don't love that idea, I admit, but at least they got to goal. They discovered what it took and they are continuing to follow it. I want to discover the path to get me there. And obviously, just religion, everyone needs their own path.
So, I'm thinking of taking a page from Jack Sh*t for my grace. (Don't get too big headed here, Jack.) I'm thinking I will slightly alter his words from a few days ago, which were:
Of course, even as I write this, and Hubby is online looking for breakfast places, I think Do I want to start this new grace today? I mean I'm on vacation. I want to kick back and drink with my daughter in law. . . I need it.
Get busy and get yourself in check. Take the steps you need to take to reclaim your body, your health, your life. It's the most important thing you'll ever do because it's the foundation for everything else you want to do, everything else you want to be.
Do it today, because tomorrow will be here in less than a blink, and you don't want to be that person who looks back and wonders what they could have had, what they should have done, what they would have been.
It's time to get going. Tick tock, tick tock.
See? I clearly so need a prayer. Here's what I commit to for today. I will calculate the calories before I eat them. I will make conscious decisions about what I eat. I will put food on a plate to eat, not just keep nibbling or going back to a box or whatever. I will allow myself 500 calories over my max because I am on vacation, but I'm not out of control