You're fat. Not heavyset, but F-A-T, fat.
It takes a lot of courage to admit it,
but you have a problem.
Strangers gape in amazement.
Children taunt you behind your back.
People have trouble looking at you when you eat,
and for good reason: you're huge.
But gosh, you don't like being this way.
You hate it as much as we do--maybe more.
What you want to know is,
how come no one is doing anything about it?
Its marketing pitch is:
People often ask us when they should
teach the Good News to their house cats.
We have but one answer:
"What are you waiting for?"
Think of the alternative:
your cat mired in darkness
put off a 10-minute conversation.
And it's at least available in an EXTRA large.