Day 41: Eating Right Doesn't Make EVERYTHING OK

TODAY'S INSPIRATION

W.I.N.G.S.--believing in your worth,

trusting your insight,

nurturing yourself,

having a goal

and devising a personal strategy.

Irene, of Livin Large

Inspirational Song

Still Got the Blues

Gary Moore

Eating Right Is Only Check #1
On my list of to dos to feel better about my life, eating right is at the top of the list and for the last 41 days, I've thankfully been able to check it off--accomplished! Yay me.

But while it's at the top of the list for a reason. . . it doesn't make everything in my life OK.

I'm still a woman with depression. And I still have fall apart moments. And today was a particularly bad day emotionally. I cried in the parking garage and really just wanted to go hide for the day. . . I even tried to call PhD2 for an extra session. No luck. My stomach ached. As the day's gone on, I've started to get a cold sore. . .

So I dragged myself in from the parking garage and went to the bathroom in the lobby and wet my face and took an extra minute to collect myself and just went to my first meeting 10 minutes late. No big deal; no one noticed. Pulled myself together for a day of meetings. . . preoccupation with my job instead of my life. . . which is kind of the story of my life. But hey. . .a woman's gotta pay the bills.

The Other Issues Needing a Check Mark
So it would be inappropriate to go into some of the specific issues in my life because of how my comments would affect people I love. But I feel like there is no one to really talk to who isn't caught up in it or who can only give me 50 minutes. . . sometimes a crash needs an uncalculated timeline.

Perhaps the safest thing to say is another quote from Irene who I quote above (she doesn't need me to recommend her site because her Hubby-Sean Anderson of The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser--certainly has more follower umph and influence than I do, but trust me, after just 3 posts so far, she's worth checking out). Anyway, in this quote, she's talking about her marriage prior to she and her husband losing weight together and finding new energy and mutual inspirations and confidence in reaching their dreams:

"Our whole lives, it has kept us from being the people we have always been but always wanted to show, and doing the things we have always wanted to do. We have been miserable and incomplete. . . "

The thing I love about marriage is the working through the ups and downs with the person you have chosen and who has chosen you. Making it through hard times makes the relationship stronger. . . And a strong relationship with such personal love from someone who knows you more deeply than anybody else is the best feeling in the world. But that also means when it's not going well. . . sometimes even a small spat. . . can throw you off kilter.

I don't want to expose Hubby or be unfair to him. . . a lot of our problems are the same as every one's--over cleaning (he does it; I don't); over who takes out the dog (he does; I don't); over food choices or drinking excessively; over being dissatisfied with our place in life--fear & frustration of not getting where we want to be or knowing how to get there with the other things in life that fight for our time and energies and money and emotions; over wanting more time for ourselves and at the same time wanting more time with each other. . . but just like be a big fatso and feeling that pain, knowing others are in the same boat doesn't make you feel any less seasick. . .

There is work to do in life, and so many times it's hard to know where to start. . . I have to believe I have W.I.N.G.S.