Even Exchanges: My Mom's Perspective

Yesterday I took my mom to the eye doctor. She has macular degeneration and she was getting her eyes dilated. She was seeing a specialist who happened to be nearer to my house than hers, 45 min away. She expressed concern on the phone about being able to see to drive to get home with her eyes dilated which is when I said either I or Hubby would take her. Then she started resisting. So I started insisting that we would do it.

Whenever I see my mom she usually has something for me. Any kind of something from food (which makes hubby mad) to newspaper clippings or some item from the house she wants to get rid of. Here was yesterday's load. It took 3 bags to bring it in. I hope I don't leave anything out:

1. 2 books by Jon Katz, an author I introduced her to, one of the books is about dog training
2. a "chilly willy" for Puppy Yeats--it's a cloth ice cream that you wet and freeze for teething puppies to chew on
3. an empty Valentine's day tin box
4. an "on sale" plastic heart shaped box with a Snoopy key ring attached to the top, filled with Whitman peanut butter cups
5. an "on sale" ceramic Valentine's day dessert size plate
6. an "on sale" ceramic Valentine's day mug to match the plate
7. the receipt from the jeweler's for a ring she bought years ago and gave to me years ago
8. the letter Hubby wrote to her when we moved away from Alabama and back to MA--almost 6 years ago (don't know why this was tucked in; Hubby discovered it)
9. a big apple fritter for me and Hubby to share
10. 2 tomatoes from her local farmer's market
11. a new pink dish towel
12. a blue tote bag from navy federal
13. a pair of exercise cropped pants she found "on sale" in my size
14. a pink shirt that she thought would look pretty on me and that she'd worn to church the previous day but thought was probably a bit big on her (she couldn't give me pants without a shirt, could she?)
15. a box filled with felt and instructions to make your own finger puppets for one of our "grands"
16. a Santa Claus book for one of our grands
17. a tiny little--about 1.5 inches high--card stock tote with XOXO on it, filled with Valentine candy sweethearts--regifted from someone who gave it to her at the senior center

At the doctor's office, the nurse called me back as Mom was checking out to tell me that the doctor wanted me to know that it was OK for Mom to drive herself from now on and to let her try it. They said distance vision should be OK with her eyes dilated. I said thanks for letting me know.

Then I took Mom to a late lunch. She wanted to pay; or at least leave a tip. I said no. She didn't believe me when I said there was no charge for parking at the doctor's.

This is my mom. I don't need her to pay me for taking her to the doctor when I'm concerned for her safety. And I don't really mind having to put in some extra time at work to be able to handle it (she didn't know this until after she plagued me). And I don't want her to feel bad when she needs or just wants my help. My aunt--my mom's sister--wrote in my Christmas card--"thanks for loving your mom." I laughed loudly when I read it. I don't need thanks for loving my mom--warts and all. She loves me warts and all--and she knows about more of my warts than most people. And I certainly don't need her to do a hunt and gather of items to "pay" me for my time or willingness or whatever. . . but I admit I like their assorted charms. And she knows it. And for mom, all those little gathering of eclectic items comes easier than a hug. Hugging is just not her style.