Funny E-mail: Supposedly from High School Essays

Before I pass the full list on to the Word Mechanic for him to have his say about, I wanted to memorialize the ones I quite appreciated or that gave me a chuckle. (Thanks bobpsy!)

• Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
• His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
• She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
• She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
• The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
• From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
• Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.