Last night I dreamed about my former but much beloved therapist in Boston. We'll call him BBT for beloved Boston therapist. Here's what happened in the dream, in that disconnected dream like sequence, followed by my analysis (symbols) and interpretation (feelings).
Act 1, Scene 1: BBT loaned me his apt to stay in in Boston; this was just "known"; I don't recall "seeing" an apt.
Act 1, Scene 2: I was going down a supposed street in Boston and marveling over this church steeple that had disppeared up in a lighted fog. I wished I had my camera. It was beautiful. Everything became covered in fog; it was hard to see anything. I felt so happy that BBT has loaned me this great apt. where I could walk to things so easily.
Act 2, Scene 1: I am in a bookstore (same street). These flower puzzles are on sale, and I am looking at them and a few random things from X-mas. There are pieces of paper taped to the wall that show the discounts on the puzzles, but I can't see them clearly when I look. I don't know if I want them without knowing their price. Then a sales person removes the piece of paper completely.
Act 2, Scene 2: I lie down on a nearby sales display and pull a blanket over me; I don't know if I actually sleep. I get stuck in the blanket and can't get up; can't get my shoulder out of the tight blanket that is holding me down. I feel embarrassed.
Act 2, Scene 3: I find a sales person to ask about the puzzle prices. She tells me to wait a minute and goes to have a conversation with another salesperson in foreign language. This pisses me off. I walk away.
Act 3, Scene 1 : I am on the street looking for someplace to eat dinner. I end up on a brick street on the other side of the church in Act 1. There is this commotion in front of me -- a bald man comes tumbling out this set of double doors, tumbles down stairs, and rolls in the street to the corner. I can see he has blood on his head. I walk on the other side of the street past him to the end of street, and turn around and pull out my cell phone to call 911.
Act 3, Scene 2: The operator wants to know the names of the streets I am on. At first I can't see street signs, but then I see them--kind of knocked askew, leaning. I walk up to them, and try to read the name of the street to her, but it is so dirty I can only make out some of the letters. I see the cross street sign, but before I can completely grasp the name, it turns into a screen with a TV advertisement running on it. I look back and the bald man jumps up and runs away.
Act 3, Scene 3: I walk back to where the man was lying and more men come out of doors fighting. I notice about 5 people watching as they sit on a bench against the wall of nearby building. I am now unsure whether the fighting is somehow staged -- is it real or not?
Act 4, Scene 1: I am in a cab with BBT. I want to touch him as we laugh and talk, but his friend sits between us and I can't reach him. We talk about where I can eat.
Act 4, Scene 2: I am in a kind of club with BBT, the friend from the cab, and another friend (perhaps a lover?) of BBT; a show is getting ready to start. We are sitting on a bench against a wall. Again, people separate me from BBT, but he is being completely nutty and funny and a bit lewd and laughing and having a grand time. His cab friend wants me to calm him down. But I am so happy that he is happy; I say he is fine.
My Own Analysis: Where It Came From: What Things Symbolize
Act 1: Picture op: I've been talking about how I haven't even been able to open the box of the Photoshop Elements I got for Christmas because I've been so busy with work, so I think the photo op thing came from that (plus BBT is a photographer).
Act 2: The time sink and unsureness about buying the puzzle: I think this might be a symbol of my own indecision about moving forward with trying to get into a plan to be healthy. The fact that it's a flower puzzle symbolizes spring--it feels like I missed the opportunity to act in winter. (I realize a whole quarter year has gone by since I last exercised and ate healthfully.) The whole act of doing it feels like a puzzle that I need to put together. Do I want it or not? What is it going to cost me? The whole anxiety makes me want to sleep and withdraw, but that keeps me embarrassingly trapped. (Plus, on another literal note, I've been having shoulder pain again, which was a problem I was in PT for at the same time when I saw BBT. And my shoulder hurts when I lie down). I'm annoyed that no one can make the decision for me. (I blame others for my indecision?)
Act 3: The supposed emergency that may be false: I think this is a symbolism of my job right now. I decided this when I was thinking about it and how the TV ad popped up on street sign--a commercial distraction/interruption. (Also, on a literal front, BBT knew I have this geographical problem and anxiety from it, an he brought me street maps of Boston that I carried with me when I walked to and from our sessions. Plus, literally, I've been reviewing videos for work and ads run first.) Everything seems urgent and serious, and it it gets me all responsive, but it could be less serious than it all appears--only with the economy and all--I am unsure about how to react.
Act 4: The ride in the cab and the club scene with BBT having unabandoned fun and overt flirtation: I think on a literal front: I'm riding in a cab with BBT because that is how I used to get to my therapy sessions with him (sometimes I walked, but it was a long way). I want to be his friend, but maybe it's not appropriate; he remains separate from me. On the flirtation & fun part, it could be a literal interpretation--he is gay--but when I thought about my reaction to it--let him have fun--I think BBT was actually symbolizing me--I want to let loose a bit, be more comfortable and accepting and less anxious about the physical side of me. I was telling myself it was OK.
My Dream Interpretation: The Feelings: The Lasting Impression
I awakened feeling so grateful for BBT. Thank you for giving me a place to dump all my tears and feelings as hubby went through cancer and my job tanked. Thank you for being so warm and caring to me when I needed it so much. Yes, it was your job, but not everyone would have taken that approach. I really really needed a forum and some acceptance and TLC and you gave it to me (with very little touching--but those few hugs were great! ;)).
BBT, your "dream counsel" reminds me to not get detoured by others' fire drills and make believe crises--to get on my track and stay there, feel free to have some fun without worry--those who love me will understand and support me.
July 20th, 2018 Just Like Yesterday
20 hours ago