Monday, October 13, 2008

My Life as a Fraud

Thinking about what I wanted to say tonight, I was going to say that sometimes I feel like a fitness fraud and a nutritional impersonator because I talk the talk without demonstrating the results.

You know, I can carry on a conversation about nutrition and healthy eating with the best of them—I’m very food & nutritionally knowledgeable. I can talk about metabolism and identify exercises and proper techniques. I talk about my personal trainer in front of others, like I’m some kind of star athlete.

Sometimes the disconnect between my banter and my body embarrasses me. I actually say to others after I’ve just spouted some truth about exercise or eating, “And that’s why I’m so skinny.” I want them to know that I know that my advice or opinion clearly must not be worth much since I don’t reflect my own teachings.

It’s part of being an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. I know I’m right, but I’m too ashamed to really step into my rightness. It’s like being a little girl who tries on someone else’s shoes and keeps tripping. You know she wants to look glamorous, but she really just looks cute and even a bit silly.

But as I struggled on what to say and where this would go—and I’ve been trying oh so hard to stay positive—it dawned on me that’s it’s time to change my perspective. I’m not a fitness fraud. I’m a Fat Fraud!

I’ve been masquerading as a fat person all these years, when really I’m a wealth of sinewy fitness facts with a hard core of nutritional know-how. Clearly. How much easier it will be to walk this walk and talk this talk!

I want to put my pedometer on to log the steps it takes for me to finally step out of this camouflage. 1-2-3-4. . .


  1. Yes but underneath it all you know yourself and come out and say it like it is. Many of us are the same, you really are not alone. I struggle with this constantly. All we can do is keep going. I wish I had the answers I do. It's not simple and the reasons are complex I think - tapping into this to find the answers is hard. I like your style of writing and your honesty. There is an underlying reason we do certain things I guess so its tapping into that or otherwise just showing incredible strength and will power and wanting it badly enough. Every day is a new day. We can try.

  2. I can identify with what you have said on so many levels.

    For me it is spiritual, time to walk the walk. Know that in NH someone is walking right beside you. You are not alone.

    Peace - Rene

  3. Reading your post made me feel very happy and excited about
    1) being with you
    2) how positive you are
    3) what you've done to get to this point
    4) what lies ahead

  4. Thanks for all your encouragement. I am feeling really excited about this switch of thinking. I feel like I'm re-setting my identity--turning it inside out.

    So instead of thinking of myself as a fat person and wanting to be thin. . . I'm thinking of myself as a healthy person who, as I shed the weight, will finally be presenting myself to the world as the capable, knowledgeable woman I am.

    I'll have to work on continuing to explain my thinking. . . I don't think I'm capturing it very well.

    It's great to come to the site though and see comments! Thanks for sharing your time.

  5. I never look at the scale. For me that number is too daunting and takes my mind in negative places. Instead I look in the mirror each day when I have gone to the gym (that is when I have been able to go consistently, which in not always the case). I look to see if I lost a chin or my face looks tighter or I look at my arms. These are the areas for me that I see improvement first that may not present themselves on the scale. If I eat well, my skin on my face looks great. I never look at the scale. If I see improvement in these other areas, I feel like going back to the gym. The longer I go to the gym in a row, I start see results work there way down towards my my butt. Then I know I have been really disciplined if my butt starts looking good. Although if I take a couple weeks off, its rough. I have to start all over. That is life. Just make it your lifestyle for life and pick yourself up by your sneaker laces.


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