Monday, August 16, 2010

The Last 2 Years

I started this blog nearly 2 years ago. The goal was to try to inspire myself to lose weight.

Today I went to see a nutritionist in my doctor's office. She looked at my chart and my weight from when I was first there about 2 years ago.

It was 1 lb different.

She said, "This tells me you have learned weight maintenance. And that is a good thing."

She also said that I couldn't say trying to lose weight hadn't worked for me because I hadn't been trying.

She gave me a few handouts--a page from the food guide pyramid web site, and a picture of a plate with 1/2 of it filled by vegetables. This is all there is to offer. The only tools. I know these things. I write these things. I write these things much more motivationally than the ones she gave me.

If it's so cut and dried why do I make it so hard? Not trying is hard. I lost 60 lbs on Weight Watchers in less than 9 months, and I've spent 2 years fretting like a crazy person and had a 1 lb difference.

I am not a crazy person. I am not a stupid person. I am not a weak person. I should be focused enough to be able to do this--to hold onto the thought of wanting a different life long enough to get past the rough spots.

One thing that strikes me as a potential obstacle is that I really disdain how demonized fat people are. How people talk about being fat as though it is the worst possible thing you can be. I know a woman who had multiple abortions because she didn't want to take birth control pills because she didn't want to risk gaining weight. Now that seems crazy.

A few Christmas's ago, my daughter-in-law skipped the page in The Night Before Christmas that showed Santa smoking a pipe. She didn't want her daughter to think Santa was a bad man. Smokers are demonized.

I will not be surprised at all if Santa goes through some kind of graphic transformation to get thinned up. Like the vegetable eating Cookie Monster.

I don't want to be this fat. It's debilitating physically, emotionally, and socially. But it's not because I think fat people are ugly or lazy or weak willed.

And it really irks me that there is all this media to prevent childhood obesity and adult obesity like it's such a terrible terrible thing, but there really isn't much out there to help obese people--except handing them really simple instructions on a piece of paper or telling them to consider bariatric surgery.


  1. Sandy,

    I poke fun at the adventure we're all on pretty often, but I know exactly how difficult this road can be. You know what you need to do and you know why you ought to do it... now all that's left is to go out and do it.

    I've had my best luck with scrunching this whole deal down to a single day, focusing all my energy and might on getting through one good day. I found that that was just about all I could manage. But once the ball gets rolling, it actually the most satisfying experience out there.

    Now that you've got those sheets of paper, let's get this show on the road!

  2. Remember that link to a t-shirt from The Onion that I sent you? "I wish someone would do something about how fat I am."

    Maybe I can help (maybe I can't). I'm willing. Give me a call if you want.


  3. Not to diminish at all your desire to lose weight, for that is a good thing, but in the midst of doing so, please don't forget for one minute that you are so much more than a number on a scale, or a reflection in a mirror. I'm not at all trying to flatter you when I say you are one of the most thoughtful, intelligent and authentic people I have ever known. The older I get the less patience I have for people and their opinions on how every one else is supposed to be living their lives, whether that is who they should vote for or how much they should weigh. You do this for you, to heck with everybody else, just one day at a time. If you have a bad day, it will be over in 24 hours and then you'll have a whole new day to work with. I found a quote the other day that really made me feel better about all the days I've made a big mess of things, accomplished nothing and made myself feel awful about more of that for me. Life is just too short!

    If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance. ~Andrea Boydston

  4. I stumbled across your blog -- not sure how I got here, but I sooo identify with everything you've said!

    My insurance company wouldn't cover the cost of my consultation with a nutritionist unless I had a supporting diagnosis like diabetes or heart disease. Hellllloooo? I'm trying to prevent them, surely it would be cheaper for the insurance companies to help us PREVENT than MANAGE, right?

    Anyhow, best of luck to you!

  5. I never jump to conclusions about overweight/fat people as my own mother has suffered most her adult life with terrible thyroid and an under-active thyroid gland. She ate relatively healthily but simply could never lose weight as her body had/has no metabolism. it is so sad for her. She is far from greedy or unhealthy but of course from her weight itself. I feel for her and so many like her.

    then there are those who may eat out of some disorder bought on by abuse, neglect, trauma, loss/grief or bullying. We simply just don't know.


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