Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Max Ehrmann, from Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life
So Weds. Is Therapy Day. . .
PhD2 and I talked about my vacation.
I talked about how I couldn't rely on myself to follow through on plans. I said I couldn't trust myself. I didn't do any of the things we talked about before I left--allow myself to only go off track 3 days, do some kind of active or walking thing each day, do some kind of formal exercise 3 times.
He asked me Did you have fun? Was it relaxing? Did you and Hubby get along? Did you try to be nice to Hubby (do your part) like we talked about? How did I think I was doing getting back on track?
I said vacation was nice and relaxing and Hubby and I didn't fight and I felt pretty good about getting back on track with my eating since I had been within my calorie count today and yesterday and went grocery shopping on Monday and cooked turkey tenderloins to have for lunch.
I added in chatter that didn't answer his questions bemoaning the fact that I still didn't have my exercise in check and I was setting plans but not confident about following them. (And I have a lot of shame about this. . .like maybe you've noticed I don't feel comfortable using the word "commitment" when it comes to exercise anymore.)
He said that I hadn't really been comfortable with the exercising before I left. So I was really getting back to starting where I was.
I said, yes, but I had hoped to kick start exercising on vacation (that damn pool ladder!).
He said, yes. And he could see why that was emotional for me on many levels but that he was less concerned about talking about the past except what I could learn from it (like recognizing triggers) and more concerned about the present.
He said, he didn't think I had anything to regret--that I didn't stray too terribly from my course and I was on good track to get back on track. He said he often gained more than 2.8 lbs on vacation. He said I still needed to keep working on the exercise. But that I should feel good. (Somewhere in there he used the word "micromanaging" in reference to how I tackle my food. . .I'll need to ask him about that again.)
But in the end, I thought. . .he's basically telling me to chill, not to imagine catastrophe where there isn't any, and to keep looking forward.
So I pay a therapist to tell me . . .hey you're doing good, and it's OK to feel good about it.
PS: Christ Year. . .Christ Day?
Some people refer to their 33rd year as their "Christ year" because Christ died at age 33. The thinking is that the year you turn 33 is your year of big decisions--to go for it, or not go for it. . .with "it" being your greatest desires, or following your greatest potential, or following through on what's expected of you, or marking your own path. . .
Today is the 33rd day of my refreshed weight loss journey.
I'm human. . . but I'm sticking with it and moving on. . .