I'm kind of surprised that I don't see more bloggers writing about this, but then again, it's probably something most people think of as private and have boundaries against talking about. Me, I have so few boundaries. . .for better or worse.
Plus, I'm not sure many of us like to claim depression. You can get away with not claiming it, unlike denying that you're fat, which everyone sees.
When I read blogs about people like me who are struggling, who know what to do but seem to have trouble actually doing it, I think they are probably depressed. I remember when I was going to Weight Watchers meetings regularly --the time I actually lost 60 lbs going, and hearing people talk and thinking, they're depressed; they're not ready. I admit I felt a tad superior. I'd been reading Prochaska's Stages of Change book, and I felt ready. I had turned on that magic switch. My husband was sitting beside me in meetings, and we were doing it. We were going to the the grocery store for the week's menu right after the meeting, and we were walking together at least once a day, and adding onto that time spent on our trek. I thought, what took me so long to do this? It's not so bad.
Fat people. . . are people who have eaten too much, exercised too little,
haven't created or changed their lifestyle to a healthy one, haven't gotten the
counseling if necessary, haven't gotten the regulating drugs if necessary,
haven't asked for the help, haven't learned what they needed to learn, etc.
The line about not getting counseling leaped out and slapped me in the face. I admit part of me thought. this guy is 26 years old; he's just having these realizations for the first time; good for him; he thinks, like I thought that by the time he is my age (20 years his senior), he will be over this fat thing. Just like I thought when Oprah lost all that weight before she turned 40 that I would achieve that earlier than she did. And I admit as mean as it sounds, that I wasn't sure if I wanted him to succeed or hit the wall that I have.
But the fact that I have done--I have walked the walk and stayed on the course and during that time it didn't seem like such a challenge. The challenge isn't staying on the horse; it's getting on and off the thing over and over.
And after my sad post, 3 of my non-virtual friends confronted me. One to step beside me for daily help to confront this thing, and 2 to tell me that what I was feeling was not normal. One said, you're feelings are not from being fat, it's called depression."
And the other said words that also deeply resonated because of the way she said it, knowingly, or not, she said, "You're in a depression. . ."
That made it sound temporary--from and even keel to a lower place, a depression--and most depressions in the earth are a temporary concave spot, that rises back up to even ground. And that gave me hope.
One day soon after I spent the day looking through my insurance for a new counselor. I prefer men. I looked them up online. I made a few calls. I asked a few questions. I set up an appointment that happened this past Weds. The first meeting seemed good. . .I'll let let you know how it goes.